


Loving You Has Consequences

by dark0angel13



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-10-07 16:03:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17369027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark0angel13/pseuds/dark0angel13
Summary: He exists only to suck the life out of everyone else so that he may go on living for her. The only problem is, she won't let him be the monster he is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I came up with this from a dream and I just had to write it down, I'm not sure how long this will be, but I do hope you all like it.

How much time has passed? How many days, weeks; months? Everything seems to blur together, he realizes in his empty room. He can’t remember the last time he saw anyone outside of the staff; even they seemed to be appearing less frequently. His entire life now, is one agonizing routine. Wake up, eat shitty food; sit through shitty transfusions before going through shitty chemotherapy and radiation treatment. Every. Single. Week; he’s sick of it all. His body is weak, his heart breaking more each day when the people who promised to be there until the end don’t show. This is his life now, and that realization has tears welling in his eyes. 

The room, he notices somberly, doesn’t change even when the seasons outside do. The walls are still white and bare. His best friend had promised to bring by pictures to hang to make it feel more like ‘home’, but that never happened. Not once he was given six months to live. The only window in the room is bolted closed, probably to keep him from jumping; the idea has popped into his head on more than one occasion. 

His grandfather had brought some clothes by months ago but never came back; the nurses are kind enough to wash them for him when they take his linens. The clean clothes he does have, are stacked in a neat pile on the only table in the room. There is a chair in the left corner, it’s fabric worn and faded, where his ‘older sister’ would sit and read to him before she got called overseas; he really missed her. When everyone stopped coming by to see him, it was her who kept his hopes up, it was her who made him feel calm and loved when his world was crumbling around him; it was her who kept coming back until the Army needed her more. 

The only personal possession he has, is the iPod that she left him before she left. It was scratched, couldn’t hold anymore music on it, and outdated but he listened to it every day without fail, clutching it to his chest like a lifeline. Deep down he knows they stay away to protect themselves. He’s on borrowed time after all; he can only imagine how painful it must be for them to walk in here and know time is ticking down, but didn’t they also know that he’s scared too? He knows he’s dying. He can see it in the pale of his skin, he can see it in what’s left of his hair; in his sunken eyes that hold so many emotions he can’t express. Hurt, betrayal, sadness, fear. 

He’s lost more weight, he notices, when he puts on his clothes. They hang too loose around his waist now, drape over his body like sheets when they used to hug him like a second skin; the only thing he has left of his father, sits folded under his pillow because he dares not wear it. 

His hands ball into fists at his sides and he fights back the scream that wants to rip its way up his throat. Why him? Why did this have to happen to him? What did he do to deserve this? The answers elude him; always seem to be so out of reach. The clock to his left strikes ten and like clockwork, there is a knock at the door. The nurse, he knows without bothering to open it. It’s always the same nurse. 

“Mind if I come in?” Her question reaches him even as she opens the door, not waiting for his answer, and her smile has him clenching his teeth. What is there to smile at? He’s dying for fuck’s sake. He doesn’t speak, instead content to let her draw the usual, obscene amount of blood before she takes him for his chemo and radiation. That’s the worst, he thinks. It always makes him sick to his stomach after. He can’t eat, he can’t drink; he just ends up laying in bed, wishing for whatever God is out there to save him from this nightmare. His prayers never get answered though. The Chaplin came in one day, trying to give him some hope, spouting off some bullshit about God never giving him more than he can handle, but he just scoffed and crossed his arms. What kind of ‘God’ gives him cancer? What kind of ‘God’ has the balls to curse an 18 year old boy with inoperable stage four metastatic melanoma? As far as he is concerned, ‘God’ could suck his dick. 

“-to go?” Her words snap him from his thoughts and he looks to her, his body stiffening when he feels her hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Is all he can reply with because he knows if he says anymore his voice will start to shake. 

“I asked if you were ready to go,” she repeats and motions him to the door, “everyone is waiting for you and I’ll have your lab results when we get there so I can adjust the dosage. You shouldn’t get sick today.” 

Yeah she says that every time, and he gets sick every time. He’s not holding his breath anymore; he’s not hoping for the best. He knows what’s going to happen and he’s resigned himself to his fate. Life’s a bitch, and then you die, his sister would tell him and before he didn’t really believe her. Now though, going through what he does on a daily basis, the transfusions, the radiation, the solitude, he finally understands. Life is indeed a bitch. 

The halls are empty as always, the fifth floor housing nothing but fellow cancer patients; the blue pain on the walls having seen better days. The room he’s led to is large, holding many reclining chairs, each one filled with a face he recognizes. They were all just like him, dying. Some have less time; some more, but all dying none the less. How many more times will he see their faces? Two? Four? Will today be his last time? He swallows hard at the thought and shoved his hands into his pockets. Yes, he thinks, today will be the last day he sees them. Because he’s on borrowed time, this will be his last treatment before stopping all life sustaining care. It makes him sick to his stomach just thinking about it, but he wants to be gone before his sister returns from her tour. She had enough to worry about before adding him to the mixture. 

“They’ve been waiting for you.” The nurse says lightly before opening the door, and he can only nod and force a smile as he always does. This was a routine after all. 

“Hey guys.” His voice is steady, for now and he walks to his usual chair. 

“Hey Natsu.” They reply as one and for the briefest of moments, he feels like he belongs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next installment of ‘I’m going to rip out everyone’s hearts’ I do hope you all enjoy this.

Today is different, he feels it in the fire that washes through his every vein; the white hot agony enough to bring a groan from his mouth. This pain isn’t like the usual nausea and ache that settles deep in his bones. No, this is different, worse; sharper than anything he has felt before. The fire starts at his chest and spreads to his limbs like wildfire, each breath only serving to stoke the flames. His breaths come in pants, his hands gripping his shirt like his life depends on it. 

This was his last day here, his last day dealing with chemo and radiation; his last day breathing in the stale air that only seemed to be recirculated through the vents. So then why does he feel this pain? He was on his own now; only taking what he needed to deal with the pain and nausea before his clock ticked down. It was scary at first and he fought against it tooth and nail until he got a look at his most recent scans. Now, he welcomes the end with bated breath and arms wide open. He isn’t going to run anymore, he isn’t going to cry or he scared anymore. He’s going to look death straight in the eyes and tell it to fuck off before breathing his last. If he’s going down, he’s going down fighting. 

“Natsu,” the nurse at the door startles him and he whirls on her before calming down and taking a breath to let her finish, “the van is here to pick you up, do you have all your things?” Her voice is soft and he can see the tears welling in her eyes. His time here has brought him closer to them than he could ever imagine and he is going to miss them. They were the family he needed when no one else came. They took care of him, fed him, loved him. He owed them so much and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until she walks up and wraps her arms around him. 

“Don’t cry honey, we knew this day would come.” Her words are sure, her body warm against his but he can feel the slight tremble in her. 

“I’m going to miss you all.” He pushes his head into the crook of her neck and just holds on as tight as his body will allow, afraid that if he lets go she will vanish from his arms. Out of all the nurses, he liked her the best. She was the mom he never got to have. 

“We’re going to miss you too sweetie,” she gives him one final squeeze and steps back to place a hand on his cheek, “we had fun while it lasted right?” Her trembling smile only serves to make his heart clench but he nods, forcing a smile of his own. 

“Yeah,” he thinks back to the wheelchair race down the halls, the game nights and movie nights, even the pizza party they threw for him when he turned 18, and his hands are shaking at his sides. “We had some good times.” 

“Hold onto those memories Natsu.” she gives him a peck on his cheek, turns to erase his white board, and it’s in that moment reality hits him like a freight train. His knees can’t hold him up anymore and he falls into the chair, his breath leaving in a whoosh of air. 

“This is the last time I’m gonna see you…see everyone,” His words come out in a sob while he buries his face in his hands. “I’m not ready for this.” 

“Yes you are Natsu,” her hands on his shoulders serve as his anchor to earth. He doesn’t know what he would do if she wasn’t holding him right then. “You’ve been preparing for this for a long time now. You were scared in the beginning, but now you’re ready. It’s okay to be scared still, I would be too. You are a brave young man to be facing this the way you are.” 

It’s her words that bring him from his despair, and he looks up to meet cerulean. They are shining like diamonds and he can see the anguish behind her smile but he can’t look away. In that moment, it’s the blue of her eyes that chases away the fear. They remind him of his sister, strong, confident; not afraid to show the emotions she’s feeling. He loves her, he realizes then as he wraps his arms around her one last time, holding her as tight as he can to remember the way he feels in her arms. He wants to ingrain it into his memory, his body, his very soul. 

“I love you.” It comes out choked but she hums and rubs his back. 

“I love you too, Natsu. Always remember that.” 

“I’ll watch over you, I promise.” For the first time since he’s met her, he feels her lose control and she’s hugging him so tight, breathing is hard. He doesn’t care though, all he wants is to stay like this for as long as possible. He can feel the sobs rack her body so he holds tighter, willing his own back because he’s cried enough. He is done feeling sorry for himself; done wallowing in self pity when those around him are going to be left broken when he’s gone. Its time to be a man, he decides, swallowing hard before placing a kiss on her head and gently pushing her back. 

“Thank you for all you’ve done for me,” he flashes her his best smile and she chokes back another sob,” I needed that last boost to get me through this. I’m ready now.” He stands and grabs his bag, tucking his iPod into his pocket as he goes before motioning for the door. The burning has died down, the pain almost non-existent for the moment while they walk and he’s happy. Since his diagnosis, treatment, and experience at this hospital, he’s truly happy for what seems like the fist time in a long time. 

The hall is lined with patients and staff, some crying, others smiling and casting him thumbs-up, but all there for him none the less. He couldn’t have asked for a better family than this. They weren’t his real family, but blood ties didn’t matter to him anymore. Family, was who stayed when things got tough, not flake to protect their own skin. This hospital, this staff, his fellow patients. They were his family now, at least until he breathed his last. 

“Don’t follow behind too quickly you guys,” he smiles and waves, “I’ll be pissed if you join me too soon.” The laughter turns into tears as he walks by but he holds his head high, determined to be strong no matter what. 

The air outside is crisp, whipping against him in an icy torrent and he shivers, leaning into the woman at his side for comfort while he watches the van pull around. This is it, he thinks as he turns to hug her one last time. 

“Thank you for everything, I love you.” She’s doing her best not to cry when he pulls away. 

“I love you too Natsu.” 

The door opens and he’s seated and ready in minutes. His nurse hasn’t left, waiting to hand him a bottle of water for the ride; tears streaming down her face. 

“Be brave, you hear me?” Her voice is cracking and he smiles. 

“I’ll do my best,” he holds out his hand for her to take one more time, loving how warm it is against his skin, “don’t miss me too much okay?” He watches her face fall and his heart clenches again. He doesn’t like hurting her. 

“I’ll miss you every day just to spite you.” Her joke is forced and he can hear the lie in her words but he nods anyway. 

“They need you now,” He gives her hand one final squeeze when the driver puts the van into gear. “Take care of them for me, don’t let them join me too soon!” 

“I love you Natsu!” She calls after him and he feels tears well in his eyes again. 

“I love you too, Mira!” He’s not sure if she heard him because her form crumbles to the ground when the van turns out of the parking lot. Out of everyone, it’s her he loved most; it’s her he will miss most when he’s alone in his hospice room.

The car ride is long and he tries to occupy himself by counting the sports cars that pass them on the freeway, but he looses interest once he hits twenty; instead pops his earbuds in and lets the music take him away. The burning begins to come back in force and he’s doubling over when the van stops for gas, groaning when it feels as if his heart is going to explode. 

The driver asks if he is alright but Natsu can only nod as another wave of pain flashes white hot through him. This isn’t supposed to be happening. Something is wrong, he decides when his stomach rolls and he’s leaning out the window and puking blood all over the ground. He is shaking; a sheen of sweat soaks into his clothes as the fire sears him. He stumbles out of the van and collapses into the driver, noting how, for some reason he can’t explain, they smell so good all of a sudden. His throat is dry and scratchy; the burning making its way up until his mouth aches. His stomach is growling and his head is pounding in time with his pulse but all he hears is the panicked breathing of the driver; all he smells is the wonderful aroma wafting from them. 

The night air does nothing to quell the fire within him and confusion muddles his brain for the longest of moments. Why is he feeling this way? He doesn’t know the answer to that question, and part of him is afraid to know it. Thinking is becoming harder with each passing second and Natsu can feel the stiffness in his muscles. His body, alight with fire, feels like it’s changing and he’s not sure if he should be afraid or not. His vision changes, his eyes picking up the slightest details around him. Suddenly, he can see the major veins and arteries in the driver holding him. He can hear the fast beating of their heart and he leans in, letting the melody of it trap him in a trance. The voice doesn’t reach him, when the driver shouts. All Natsu wants to do is eat, so eat he does. 

He bites down hard, as hard as he can, ripping his teeth to the side when nothing happens; groaning with pleasure when liquid fills his mouth. It’s sweet, warm; spreading to every corner of his body as he drinks, loving the way it stamps out the fire as it flows. The shouts that echoed in the back of his mind are cut off suddenly but he thinks nothing of it, instead focusing on what he needed right then. The food, the nourishment; the strength. 

When his body can hold no more he stumbles back and wipes his mouth, licking his fingers clean in the process and breathing hard while his body digests everything. It happens fast, too fast for him to fully comprehend it. One moment he is sitting there, head bald from the treatments, body frail from exhaustion and cancer; the next, his head is covered in soft pink locks; his clothes feeling almost too tight on him. 

He feels strong for the first time in a long time, like he isn’t sick and he smiles and leans back to soak in the light from the moon. This is what he’s missed, the normalcy of living, of having a healthy body and mind. He loves it; never wants to feel anything other than this for the rest of his days.   
As his high comes down, many things slap him at once and he stiffens. He is sitting in a pool of blood, in the parking lot of a gas station somewhere off the highway. There is a body lying in front of him, its throat seeming to have been torn out. The air is once again frigid to his body and the burning that plagued him has tapered off into nothingness. He sits there for too long, trying to comprehend what happened before it dawns on him and he’s panicking; scrambling to the drivers side and tearing out of the parking lot. 

It’s a while before he feels safe enough to stop and once out of the car he stumbles and releases the contents of his stomach. What the hell is happening? The thought replays in his mind while he tries, and fails, to grasp onto anything that can explain what he just did. 

“I…killed someone.” His words are shaky but strong. He can hear it; he can feel it in his throat. Just what the fuck is going on? His mind is racing to the rhythm of his heart and he grabs his head, tears welling in his eyes. He didn’t mean to kill anyone, he just wanted food. 

He presses his head against the cold ground and let’s out a sob. For his driver, for his sanity and his state of mind; for everything that’s happened to him up until this point. It’s a while before he sits, his eyes looking towards to moon as if it has all the answers. It’s in those surreal moments that two things dawn on him. 

His body has changed, for better or worse, was yet to be determined, but he feels it soul deep that he will never be the same. The radiation did something to his system that—and this is only him taking a wild ass guess—turned him into some sort of monster that loved the taste of blood. There is a word for it, he realizes and his body stiffens. Vampire. The thought chills him to the bone. 

With his new body, comes a new life. A life of stealing in order to live; of killing so that he may continue on. He doesn’t fully understand things as of yet, but he has a sinking feeling in his stomach that, with time, he will become a monster, and he’s surprisingly okay with this. It means he gets to live, to see his family again; to have a chance at a normal life. 

Natsu has been given a second chance and he’s sure as shit not going to waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll try to get the next one up but no promises as to how fast it appears in my brain. I’m a slave to my imagination and it likes to torture me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with another chapter guys. I feel like this was rushed and I actually rewrote this like two times before I was satisfied so I do hope you enjoy it.

The days all blur together now; the moment from one day to the next no longer having a definitive line. He sleeps, he eats, and he struggles to survive but he manages day by day. He misses the hospital, he thinks as a wave of nausea washes over him. He’s doubled over in the next moment, covering his hacking and coughing in an attempt to breathe. His lungs hurt, his body aches, and he can feel the weakness seeping into his soul. His head pounds like there are people in there with jackhammers and when he runs his hand through his hair he can feel it beginning to fall out. 

The small pile of pink in his hand only confirms his fear and a sigh leaves his lips. He was fine up until yesterday, so why was his body getting weaker? There were so many questions running through his mind but the only thing he can think about is his stomach. Behind the nausea and unease, he feels a pain he hasn’t felt before. He feels empty; when he brings his hand to his stomach he can feel it growl. Is this what true hunger feels like? He doesn’t know, but the shakiness in his hands only seem to solidify his assumption that if he doesn’t find something to eat soon, he’s going to pass out. 

“Here.” The word is short and Natsu looks up to see an older woman. Her hair is gray, but her eyes hold a kindness that contradicts her harsh tone. He holds out his hands and she drops a box lunch into them, turning on her heel quickly to continue walking. 

“Thank you.” He calls back, doing his best to hide the tears in his eyes. His stomach growls again and he bows slightly after the woman before digging in. The food is hot, he realizes and he looks up to see her board a bus. She must have bought it specifically for him, but why? He doesn’t have the answer, and at that moment he doesn’t much care. He shovels it in as fast as he can, stopping only to swallow before he chokes. 

It’s the best meal he’s had in days; it’s probably the only meal he’s had in days. The satisfaction doesn’t last though, and the harsh reality hits him like a truck when he’s doubled over and expelling the wonderful food he had only moments before. When there’s nothing left in his stomach he collapses and folds himself in half, trying desperately to figure out why his body is suddenly reverting back to how it was. None of it makes sense to him and the more he tries to figure it out, the more his head hurts.

The yelling is what draws him from his self pity, and he’s looking around trying to find the source before his eyes settle on a couple at the corner. It’s dark and almost impossible to see but from this distance he can just barely make out the angered look on the mans face. They’re arguing about something but Natsu doesn’t much care. He’s furious and she’s scared, and Natsu is so close to rolling over and ignoring them when a slap reverberates in the air and the woman crumples to the ground. His entire body stiffens at that and he feels his hand clench at his side.  
He doesn’t realize he’s moving until he shoves the man hard. His heart is pounding in his chest and he can see red encroaching on the edges of his vision. He’s seething mad and this man is going to feel every bit of his wrath. 

“What the fuck man?” Natsu hears the question spat but doesn’t answer, instead turning to the woman and offering her his hand. 

“Are you alright miss?” She nods in response and takes his hand and Natsu can feel the warmth on his skin like rays of sun. It feels so good and he squeezes while he helps her to her feet. 

“Mind your own fucking business pal. This ain’t got nothin to do with you.” The man is on his feet and in Natsu’s face immediately, shoving him backwards. He hits the ground hard and his body aches all over but his anger is far from quelled.

“It became my business when you hit her. You never hit a woman, did your mother teach you nothing?” 

“Luke please stop.” The woman is in tears but Luke only seems to shove her aside and get right back in Natsu’s face. 

“No, this little prick wants to play the hero, let him. I’ll kick his ass too.” The smirk on Luke’s face is the last straw and Natsu let’s his fist fly before his brain has a chance to think it over. 

“Get out of here lady you don’t wanna be around for this.” Natsu has never heard his voice sound so calm and she’s nodding absently before sprinting off. 

“Big mistake pal,” Luke begins as he rubs his chin and Natsu can see the blood covering his lip. His body tenses and he takes a breath in, loving how the the metallic smell tickles his nose. “Once I’m done with you, that bitch will get what’s coming to her too.” 

Natsu doesn’t respond verbally, he simply clenches his teeth and lunges, giving over to the animalistic urges of his body. He’s on the man in seconds, his fists flying; his nails scratching wherever they can. There is blood and Natsu only wants more of it. He leans down and flashes a smirk to Luke before biting down on his arm as hard as he can. The man hisses under him but doesn’t stop fighting back, landing a few powerful punches to Natsu’s stomach. 

“Get the fuck off me man!” It comes out pained but laced with anger and Natsu only grips his arm tighter before ripping his teeth sideways. Flesh gives way and the man screams but Natsu can only focus on the blood filling his mouth. It’s warm and flowing through him like fire and he only wants more. He sucks greedily, ripping into the mans arm again for better access. The man screams again but Natsu shuts him up with a quick twist of his neck. It’s over in a heartbeat and he’s left to feed in peace. 

When his body can take no more he lets go and stumbles back, wiping his mouth in the process before his eyes settle on his victim. Much like the first time, shock is the first thing to register in his brain and all he can do is stare blankly for a moment before he looks around panicked. His body is thrumming with energy, with life, and he can feel his strength returning. His nausea is gone, his muscle weakness is gone, his headache and hunger are gone and he feels amazing. He’s on cloud nine for what feels like forever before reality comes crashing down and he’s struggling to figure out what to do with the body. There is a dump nearby, and Natsu knows that they house an incinerator so that’s what he does. 

Once the body has been dealt with—Natsu is extremely grateful that no one was around when he dropped it in the incinerator—he returns to his street corner and finishes the food he had from earlier. All the flavors come alive in his mouth and he groans, devouring it in seconds. He’s left sitting in silence and his mind wanders, replaying the nights events over and over again. He still doesn’t quite understand why, but it seems that blood is what keeps his body healthy. He will need to feed regularly in order to stay alive and had he thought this two weeks ago, Natsu would have scoffed, but sitting here now, with the blood of that man running through his veins, he realizes that this is his life now and he’s okay with it.  
-  
-  
Natsu, afraid that someone will recognize him and turn him in, keeps to the other side of town. This side has better food anyway and the passers by seem to be more willing to help him. He’s a monster now, a leech, but he doesn’t much care. He just wants to live, and if that means he has to suck the life out of someone else in order to do it, so be it. 

The evening is warm, the smell of food carts permeating the air while his eyes scan the crowds of people. The park is the perfect place for him. Large, lots of people and food, and the water is a good place to clean up after his meals. It’s not next to the dump anymore but being this close to the ocean works better for him. He can get clean and dispose of his prey all in one go. Plus he liked the large cherry blossom tree at the center; being under it seemed to calm the beast within. It’s peaceful tonight, the breeze chasing the fever from his skin. The stars shine like diamonds above him and he closes his eyes, his hands clasped behind his head while he lets his body go slack. He doesn’t realize when he fell asleep but when he next opens his eyes, it’s to the sound of fast approaching footsteps.

He stiffens and looks around until his eyes land briefly on a flash of gold. It’s gone in an instant and he’s left looking after it like an idiot. She’s fast, he realizes as he watches her run through the park to get to where ever it was she was heading. He doesn’t see much but the little that he does, he burns into his memory. Her back is strong, her legs stronger still as they carry her quickly to her destination. He can see a purse dangling from her left shoulder and her hair bounces with every step. She’s dressed in shorts and a tank top but what catches his eye is the small tattoo he can see on her hand as she hails a cab.

She’s gone before he blinks and he’s left reeling. He only saw her back but it was beautiful. She seemed strong, healthy; a perfect target. Yes, Natsu has chosen his next victim, if he can manage to track her down that is. The walk back to his spot under the pier is uneventful and save for almost being hit by a cab, Natsu is bored out of his mind. He can feel the nausea threatening to turn his stomach and he can already feel a bone deep ache begin within him. He needs to feed and knows it’s only going to get worse the longer he waits.

He stops when a glint catches his eye and he’s looking down, his eyes widening in surprise when he realizes what’s before him. This is almost too perfect, he thinks with a growing smirk as he bends down to pick up the lost ID card. Not only did he find his target, he knows where she lives.  
“What a lovely name,” he coughs and stuffs the plastic into his pocket, “Lucy Heartfelia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize if this feels rushed. As always I love all the support and do hope you are enjoying this as I write it. I know it’s short and firgive me for that, I’ll try to make the next chapter longer. Much love. 
> 
> Dark


	4. Chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter! I do hope you all like it and I’m sorry if it reads rushed :3 the next chapter will be better I promise

He keeps his distance, noting when she leaves for work and where she goes when she gets home. He’s scouting her moves, making sure he has her patterns memorized before he does anything. She’s usually in casual dress slacks and button up shirt and he can’t help that his eyes linger too long on her figure while he watches her.

  
She’s light on her feet, not usually making much noise when she moves but the way her hips sway does something to his heart that he’s never felt before. He’s yet to hear her speak or see her eyes—she’s usually listening to music and wearing sunglasses—but what he does notice, has him contemplating finding a new target.

  
He’s been keeping track of the days as he watches her, noting how she works weekdays and has Saturday and Sunday off to do as she pleases. He uses this time to observe her in social situations. Her group of friends is small and intimate, consisting of only a few other women, but her smile becomes contagious when she’s around them and he can’t help but smile himself when she does.

  
This is going to be the hardest kill yet, he realizes as he grips his shirt like his life depends on it. The first wave of nausea will hit tomorrow; he needs to put his big boy pants on and get it over with. He decides he will make it as painless as possible for her. He owes her that much at least. He’s been careful, since his first victim, making sure to kill at night and in a manner that resembles an animal attack. He’s gotten quite good at breaking and entering as well, getting his hands on new clothes when possible so he doesn’t look homeless.

  
He’s good at blending in, not drawing attention and that small discovery is what keeps him confident in his work. This is just how he has to survive. It’s nothing personal against Ms. Heartfelia, just that she must die so he can live. He pauses only a moment when the group of friends break for the night and she’s on her way home. He knows her route by heart now. Three blocks south, a right at the drug store then another four blocks to her apartment by the river. He could count the number of steps she takes if he needed to.

  
The air is chilly—the first day of fall having passed last week—so he watches as she grips her jacket and trudges on. He already knows how he’s going to kill her and when, it’s all just a matter of having everything fall into place. She takes the right and he stops to untie and retire his shows so she doesn’t catch wind of him, but he’s up and sprinting when he hears her scream. His body is moving before his mind can process anything and when his gaze finally lands on her his blood boils in his veins.   
She’s struggling against the man, her shouts echo off the stone walls of the buildings around them but he doesn’t seem interested in her bag at all, Natsu realizes with a sick feeling growing in his stomach. No, this man doesn’t want what she’s carrying, he wants her in her entirety and Natsu will be damned if he lets that happen.

  
There’s a grunt, and Lucy screams again when her back hits the wall with enough force to stun her and it’s when the man rips her jacket off that Natsu moves with purpose. His fist flies and the man grunts again and stumbles but Natsu doesn’t let him recover. He’s on him in seconds, his hands wrapping around the man’s throat so tight his knuckles are white. He’s gasping for breath and Natsu can see the panic growing in his eyes but he doesn’t care, he’s entirely too satisfied to watch the life drain from this bastards eyes.

  
He struggles for another minute before going limp under Natsu and it’s another whole minute before he finally releases his grip and turns to the girl. She’s out cold and he can see blood dripping from a wound in her head but he doesn’t pay attention to that. All he sees are the tears streaking her cheeks and the jacket ripped open. He turns on his heel to kick the man in the head; hating that he can’t feel it now.

  
He’s moving again in seconds, lifting the girl in his arms and walking her back to her building. It’s when he reaches the steps that she comes too and groans, and Natsu feels his entire body go stiff. Even that small noise from her lips has his heart going into overdrive. When she opens her eyes, he stumbles and almost drops her. They’re beautiful, he thinks to himself and he sits on the first step to support her head.

  
“What…happened?” Her words are weak and shaky but under that he can hear the magnificence in it and he wants nothing more than to listen to her talk for the rest of his days.

  
“You were attacked going home. Don’t worry you’re safe now.” He speaks evenly, knowing it’s probably best not to mention her attacker is dead so instead he smiles warmly down at her.

  
“You saved me?” Her question is slurred but her words bring butterflies to him.

  
“I did my best, the bastard got away but I felt you needed help more than I needed to chase him down. I brought you to the closest building I could, but you really need to get seen by a doctor.” Most of it is true and he hopes she can’t hear the trembling in his voice.

  
She looks around and sits, wavering only a moment before he steadies her.

  
“You must be really lucky then, this is my apartment building.” She chuckles and he feigns surprise.

  
“Really?” He doesn’t want to risk raising suspicions so he says nothing more.

  
“I don’t need to see a doctor I’ll be okay. You can help me to my room though if you don’t mind.” It’s an invitation he doesn’t think twice about accepting and he’s standing with her in his arms a moment later. She squeaks and he can’t help but find it adorable. Her place is small, consisting of a single room and bathroom with a kitchenette and common area and nothing more.

  
Once he hands her an ice pack and tucks her into bed he hands her the ID he picked up when she dropped it.

  
“The guy had this on him and he dropped it when I tackled him, I thought you might want it back.” The lies are rolling off his tongue now but he doesn’t care. He loves the way her eyes light up when they land on the plastic and her hands are warm when she takes it from him.

  
“Oh thank you so much! I thought I lost it!” Her words make him weak in the knees and he’s smiling like an idiot when he leaves, making a point to stop by tomorrow to check on her.

  
The body is right where he left it and he drags it to the closest dumpster and goes to town. The blood is warm going down his throat and he can feel the strength returning ten fold. He takes extra caution to make it look like an animal attack this time, ripping his teeth into any exposed skin he can. The fucker deserves nothing less than his best.

  
Once he’s rinsed off in the river he risks a glance back to her bedroom window and smiles. He doesn’t know her and she doesn’t know him but he plans to change that. He makes a vow as he walks back to his hole, determined to protect her until his last breath. His purpose in life, is to protect Lucy Heartfelia and if he has to die to make that happen then so be it. Everything he does from this moment on, he does for her.

 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, please forgive me for I am REALLY bad and getting stuff done on time. Here is the next chapter in this roller coaster of a story I do hope you all like it! ENJOY

How long has it been? How many days have passed? How much longer does he have? The questions echo within his mind like a mantra he can’t shut off, and he feels the nausea rise again. It comes faster now, giving him less than a week at full strength before the fatigue sets in once more, and he can’t think of any other word for the feeling that washes over him, other than infuriating. What a fool he’s been, thinking he could control it. He’s nothing but a puppet to the demon that hungers just beneath the surface, waiting for the perfect opportunity to snuff out his existence. It’s terrifying. 

“Sorry I’m late Natsu!” Her voice shatters the chaos within him and his body stiffens. “The train got held up due to maintenance,” she continues and he feels his heart skip into overdrive. “I almost missed our date.” Her smile is bright enough to light up the sky and Natsu finds himself at a loss for words when she’s around. 

Play it cool, he thinks as a sheen of sweat breaks out across his brow. He offers a smile and waves, “don’t worry about it, I haven’t been waiting long.” He leans against the wall to seem relaxed, but deep down he’s holding on for dear life, fighting the dizziness that’s washing over him in waves. He needs to feed. If he doesn’t soon, the shit's gonna hit the fan. 

“How was your day?” A simple question that leaves him lost in so many ways. How does he answer that? He doesn’t even know what he does all day. He has no place to call home, no job, no money. His lack of worldly possessions turns his cheeks red with embarrassment. There is no good way for him to answer so he goes for the vague response. 

“Oh, it was okay, I couldn’t wait for our date tonight so I didn’t get much done.” He chuckles and hopes it satisfies her. 

“You know,” she begins, marching up to him with purpose in her stride, “one of these days I’m going to uncover everything about you. What you do, where you live. I want to know everything. We’ve been dating for a week now so it’s only fair I get to know you better.” Though she doesn’t sound mad, the determination ringing in the air has unease overtaking him. 

Where has the time gone? He can’t fathom it’s been a week already. It seems like yesterday he was saving her from the assault. Then he would find himself over her place every chance he got. He loved her company, hell he loved everything about her. The twinkle in her eyes when she would talk about her work, the giggle she would let out when he pretends to know anything about language and literature. Her very existence made the outside world melt away for the short time they were together; during that time, he was normal. He was human. 

She is his best friend, his tether to reality; his safe haven when his inner demons become too much to bear. They’ve known each other for only a month, but Natsu feels as if he’s known her his entire life. It’s only fair that he opens up to her. A relationship was a two-way street, his sister would say and up until now he didn’t know what she meant. But standing there, staring into the hazel eyes before him, he finally gets it. If he wants to keep her, he needs to meet her half way. 

“If I tell you about myself, you’ll have to promise me one thing.” His lopsided grin distracts her from her probing enough and she raises a brow. 

“Depends on the promise.” She counters effectively. Making a deal with a lawyer was not a smart thing to do by any means, but when had he ever claimed to be just that? 

“You have to promise not to fall in love with me.” The words were out before he had a chance to take them back and his body stiffens. Did he really just say that? Of all the stupid things to say at a moment like that, he chooses the worst one possible. What a fucking idiot. 

His words take her off guard and she freezes, her eyes going wide in what looks like a mixture of shock and confusion before all emotion leaves her face. 

“What makes you think I’ll fall in love with you?” Of all the things she could respond with, she chooses that? Natsu feels a ball of tension in the pit of his stomach. She’s playing hard ball and he’s losing. He’s already said it, he’s got to follow through now. 

_Come on Natsu, don’t be a pussy._

____

____

“Because once you get to know me, you’ll realize you can’t live without me.” He’s really digging his own grave but continues before she has a chance to counter, “and in order for you to be happy, you need to live without me.” And there’s the nail in the coffin. If he could smack the shit out of himself right then, he would do so without hesitation. It’s like his lips are moving before consulting his brain and the results are on par with walking into school naked. 

Lucy’s silent for what feels like an eternity and he feels his heart race in his chest. This is it, she’s going to dump him right here and now and it will devastate him. He would understand completely, but it would devastate him none the less. After all, why would she want anything to do with him after the cryptic shit that just spewed from his mouth? 

“Who knows,” she begins and he steels himself for the worst. “Maybe the more I find out, the more I’ll love.” Did he really just hear that right? This woman was a god send. “But maybe it will be the other way around. Maybe once you get to know me, you’ll realize that you can’t live without me.” She winks and he sees the corners of her lips curl up into a smile. This woman was something else. 

How naïve she is to assume that he can live without her now. Since he first laid eyes on her, he’s wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his time on earth with her. He wants it more than his body needs blood. But he knows, deep down, that a fairy tale ending is not something that is in his future. If she were smart, she would walk away from him right now. Hell, if he were smart, he never would have saved her. He should have killed her when he had the opportunity. Before he saw her face, heard her voice. It would have been so much easier. Now he has to live knowing that one day, she will find out and the uncertainty of her reaction to his deep dark secret, has fear clutching at his heart. 

“That’s still a ways off though,” her words bring him from his thoughts and he looks to her, loving the smile she wears. “Let’s get through our date first. You promised me a fun evening remember?” Her ability to change the subject so fluidly, makes him realize just how good a lawyer she really is. Her sense of observation is out of this world and if he’s not careful, his dream of being with her will be shattered before his very eyes. 

“I did indeed promise you a date,” Natsu holds out his arm for her to take and when she doesn’t hesitate, his heart skips a beat. “Where would you like to go for dinner my lady?” Being a gentleman doesn’t suit him very well when he kills people on a regular basis, but for her, he would be anything. 

“I’m feeling sushi,” she looks to him, “is that alright with you?” Like he would ever deny her what she wanted? 

“Sushi it is!” He throws his fist into the air and she laughs. 

“Perfect, I know the best place. It’s a little pricey- “ 

“Don’t you worry about that. I got you covered.” He cuts her off with an assuring smirk and lets her lead the way. Truth be told, he only has money because he takes it from the people he’s killed. Never their credit cards though. He’s not stupid enough to risk getting caught with someone else’s card in his hand. 

He can hear her talking but it feels like she’s far away. His thoughts are taking over and he’s trying make sure he has enough to pay for dinner. One hundred should be plenty right? He won’t eat much anyway because he needs to feed. He clenches his teeth and silently asks why it couldn’t just let him have tonight. Just let him have his damn date and he can feed tomorrow. 

A wave of dizziness washes over him and he stumbles, but warm hands keep him upright. 

“Are you okay? You’ve been looking really pale since I got here. We don’t have to have dinner tonight if you’re sick.” Though her words sound assuring to him, he can see the disappointment shinning in her eyes. She wants this as much as he does. He’s not going to let her down. 

“I’ll be alright but I gotta run home to get some medicine real fast. You wanna go on ahead and I’ll meet you there?” She doesn’t believe his words and he knows it. 

“If you’re sick, we can reschedule…” her voice fades, almost as if she’s giving him an out and it only serves to piss him off. 

“I want this date more than anything Luce, I’ll be right behind you I promise.” He holds her hand in his and smiles his best smile and that seems to give her the security she needed. Her warmth gives him energy and her presence makes him feel safe. Like he can be himself. He dares not test those waters though. 

“I’ll hold you to that, you have fifteen minutes. If you’re any later I’m making you pay for dessert too.” Her voice is light and they both chuckle before he bows and takes off, doing his best to stay upright until he’s out of eye shot. 

There is no time to be picky, he decides as his eyes lock onto the closest victim to him. An older gentleman, judging by the cane in his hand. His form was shaky and his body frail and Natsu knows this is the best option for quick. He wastes no time in walking up the man, a smile plastered on his face. 

“Hello sir, would you like some help?” The closer he gets, Natsu realizes the man is blind. This couldn’t get any better. 

“Could you turn me in the direction to the park?” His voice sounded warm and a small part of him felt bad for what he’s about to do, but the other part, the part of him that required the kill to survive, urges him on saying it's for the best. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Natsu’s not really sure, but he does know that if he doesn’t feed, his sickness is only going to get worse. If he wants to spend more time with Lucy, he’ll kill anyone in order to make that a reality. 

“Would you like to me take you there? It’s about four blocks from where we are now.” Keep your voice calm and light. Lure him in with your charm, he thinks, offering his arm to the man. 

“That would be much appreciated,” the man replies with a smile. “Thank you for helping an old man like me.” 

_No, thank you for helping a monster like me_ , he wants to say back but holds his thoughts in. 

“It’s no problem at all, I was just on my way back home and the park is on my way there.” Which isn’t exactly a lie but the old man doesn’t need to know that. 

“Well thank you- “he pauses and turns to Natsu. “What’s your name? I feel bad calling you ‘boy’.” The sincerity in his tone has Natsu rethinking his plan to kill him. 

“Natsu.” Is all he responds with. There was no point in giving too much away when this man didn’t have much longer to live. The less strings attached, the easier it will be. 

“A nice name to match a nice young man.” Natsu feels his heart clench in his chest. This wasn’t going to be easy by any means. 

The closer they got to the park, the less sure he was of killing this old man. He lived through a large war, lost his wife to cancer two years ago, and is on the outs with his only son. How was Natsu supposed to snuff out the life of someone like that? 

“Stop right there,” a strong voice sounds from behind them and they both freeze, “give me all your cash and your phones. If you turn around, I’ll put a bullet in the old man’s head.” So violent, so menacing; so annoying, Natsu thinks as he raises his arms. 

“Don’t hurt him, my grandfather is blind.” Lying was beginning to come easier to him these days. His entire existence is a lie after all. 

“Do as I say and nothing will happen to him.” The voice says again, closer this time and Natsu feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. 

“You’re really going to rob and old blind man and a young man riddled with cancer?” The old man speaks and Natsu feels his blood run cold. He didn’t say anything about having cancer. 

The man curses and silence falls for what feels like eternity before he speaks again, “You’re not worth it anyway.” Seconds later the sound of footsteps retreating echoes in his ears and Natsu visibly relaxes. 

“Looks like he still had a heart underneath his bad decision.” The man’s voice is light. 

“How did you know I have cancer?” Might as well get right to the point. 

“I’ve been blind since I fought in the war Natsu. Losing my sight allowed my other senses to kick in. I may be blind but I see better than most people.” His words are strong, confident even and Natsu wonders if this old man knew his intentions from the start. 

“Why did you accept my help? You could have gotten here on your own.” 

“You seemed like you had an internal battle going on. I thought maybe walking with me would help you figure things out.” God damn this old man and his ability to know things. 

“You’re very intuitive,” Natsu replies, “what’s your name old man?” 

“Ryosuke,” The man chuckles, “Ryosuke Kojima.” 

“Why weren’t you afraid when that guy threatened to kill you?” He’s genuinely curious at this point and enjoying the conversation. 

“Because I had you with me.” His words make Natsu’s heart skip a beat. 

“What could I do. It’s as you said, I have cancer.” 

“Aye, but you also have something no one else does.” 

“And what’s that?” Surely he can’t mean… 

“You have the will to survive. I knew your intentions from the moment you walked up to me. You would have protected me so you could kill me yourself. You need it to survive.” 

Natsu is at a complete loss for words and his knees are no longer able to support him. He hits the ground hard and can’t stop the tears that escape him. 

“I’m sorry…” he can’t think of anything else to say. He’s not sure he has the strength to even if he could. 

“No need to apologize my boy, you’re not the first I’ve come across.” His words resonate within him so deep that Natsu finds air hard to come by all of a sudden. How is this possible? 

“Calm down Natsu,” a hand rubs his back, “you’re strong, you can handle this burden.” 

“How can you say that knowing I had every intention of killing you?” He replies through tears. 

The man is silent for a moment before responding, “Because you don’t want to kill me. You hate that you have to, and that was the defining reason behind why I trusted you. You fight the monster within even though you know it will kill you. That’s admirable.” 

“I lose the fight so much…I don’t want to kill people, but if I don’t, I won’t be able to see her…” he’s sobbing at this point but the hand never wavers on his back. Instead the pressure of the touch intensified and it makes him feel a little better. 

“You love her.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Yes. She’s the reason why I continue to kill. If I can stay alive, I’ll get to see her more.” Natsu doesn’t know why, but he feels like he can talk about anything to this man. He feels safe around him. Like he’s able to be himself and it’s such a breath of fresh air he sobs harder 

“Then do whatever it takes to keep her.” Shock races through him. Did he really just hear this man right? He must be imagining it. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“My home is just across the street, come with me.” The man walks away, leaving Natsu to stare after him like an idiot for too long before he’s up and running after him. He doesn’t know why, but Natsu wants to spend more time with Ryosuke. 

The building itself looks ordinary, brick exterior with fire escapes at every level, but the inside makes him feel at home immediately. Ground floor apartment with more space than his grandfather’s entire house. Natsu looks around, his jaw slack, as he takes in his surroundings. 

The floor to ceiling windows are what catch his eye first and he spends a moment just admiring the view, saddened that the old man can’t see it too. The place itself is cozy, the main area being a living and kitchen combo. Natsu nods absently. Yes, he thinks, this is a nice place and it feels welcoming to him. The only other thing he notices, is that there isn’t a single thing on the floor that Ryosuke can trip on and he wonders how the man keeps such a tidy house. Oh well, a question for another day. 

“It’s not much but it’s home.” Ryosuke smiles and sits in one of the chairs. 

Not much? Natsu thinks enviously, you have a home. You have a place to call your own. That’s more than I have. 

“You have a very nice home.” What else is he supposed to say to that? Gee I wish I had a home like this. Hell, I wish I had a home period. 

“In the freezer, you’ll find what you need. Place it in the microwave for five minutes and you’ll be good to go.” What the fuck was he talking about? Natsu follows his orders, confusion on his face but when his eyes land on a bag of frozen O neg, everything clicks into place. 

“Will this work? Will I be able to survive without killing people?” 

“No, your body will always need fresh blood, this is just a stop gap until you find a better victim.” Ryosuke talks like it’s no big deal, like it’s a normal everyday thing for someone to have to kill people to survive. 

“You make it sound so easy.” Natsu deadpans. 

“If you know where to look, it’s easier than taking candy from a baby.” 

“Where should I look then?” 

“We will talk about that later,” he pauses when the microwave beeps and Natsu downs the glass like it was the last glass of water on earth and he was dying from dehydration. It was warm, thick, and filled him with satisfaction. “That will hold you for now. You need to get back to her right? You said you had fifteen minutes and we’ve used up ten already.” 

“Oh, shit my date!” Natsu has completely lost track of time with the events that just unfolded. He has to keep his word to her, but he also wants to stay here and talk to Ryosuke. 

“I have a spare room that I don’t use. You’re welcome to stay with me if you don’t have a place.” This man was a gift from God, Natsu thinks, and as if his body moves on its own, he’s on his knees before him. 

“Thank you so much for your kindness sir! I will never be able to repay this debt.” 

“Get up and go to your date. We will talk more when you return. I’ll leave the key under the mat.” 

“Thank you Ryosuke sir!” 

“Call me Happy. That was my nickname during the war.” 

Natsu leaves after voicing another thank you and he makes a mental note to ask him about the nickname later. 

His body feels lighter, his mind isn’t as clouded and his hunger has subsided along with the nausea and dizziness. Right this moment, Natsu is normal once more and looking forward to his date with Lucy. 

When he fed for the first time, he would test to see how long he could go before he absolutely needed blood again. His max was ten days. By day seven he would get nauseous and dizzy, and by day ten the hallucinations would start again. 

As he’s learned more about himself, he’s come to understand that the more he drinks, the longer he could do between feedings. Slowly but surely, he’s learning to see the signs of when he needs to feed. He needs to be strong for her. 

\- 

\- 

\- 

“Did you miss me beautiful?” He opens with a smile as he sits down beside her. 

“Cutting it close I see,” she chuckles and looks at her watch, “you were down to the two-minute mark.” 

“Luckily I made it on time. You might make me read a dictionary as punishment.” He laughs harder when she glares at him. 

“In your case you could stand to learn a few new words.” She retorts easily and he smiles. 

“For you babe, I’d read every dictionary out there.” 

“Awe how sweet,” she returns his smile and sips her drink, “that’s not going to get you out of dessert though.” 

“Fair enough, now let’s eat I’m starving!” Which wasn’t totally wrong, but he’s satisfied one hunger already, now it’s time to satisfy the other hunger within him. 

This was an ‘All You Can Eat’ place so Natsu of course has no problem knocking back five plates of food while Lucy on the other hand was full after two. 

“Hey don’t be down about that, you ate like a champ.” 

“I’m a lady Natsu, I can’t eat so much, I’ll get fat.” 

“I’m a lucky guy,” he wipes his mouth and holds his drink out to her, “I have a smart, beautiful woman who can also eat like no other. You’re special Luce and you’re nowhere near fat. I like a woman who can pack it away. Most girls eat a damn almond and say they’re full. It gets kind of annoying to be honest. You’re a breath of fresh air.” 

The look on her face has his heart going into overdrive. She’s turned a soft shade of red and her hazel eyes are glistening like diamonds. Her look of shock mixed with embarrassment makes him smile at her. 

“Did I say something wrong?” 

“No, it’s just- “she pauses as if she’s thinking, “no one has ever said that to me. Thank you Natsu.” 

The rest of the meal goes by in the blink of an eye and before he knows it, they’re walking back to her place and he’s trying to talk himself into actually kissing her this time. The first date they went on to the fair, ended with him chickening out at her doorstep and running off embarrassed. Not this time, he thinks with resolve. This time he’s gonna kiss her. 

“That was delicious, man I’m so full!” Lucy stretches and rubs her stomach and Natsu chuckles. 

“Got a food baby going on?” 

“Hell yeah. Look at this, I look like I’m four months pregnant! I could totally park in the expectant mother spot if I wanted to!” Her laugh is infectious and he can’t help the chuckle that escapes him while she rubs her belly. Not a second later though, she stops mid step and Natsu looks to her confused. 

“You okay Luce?” 

“Yeah I’m fine I just…I’ve never said that before.” She looks to him and laughs almost nervous, “I’m so comfortable around you I just can’t help but relax.” 

“That’s a good thing then!” He smiles, “I’m glad you can be comfortable around me Lucy, I want you to be happy.” 

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” They both laugh before he stops and grabs her arm. 

“This is our final stop; they have the best gelato in the city.” 

“Natsu you just ate five plates of food. And I ate two! How can you possibly want dessert?” 

“I promised you dessert, didn’t I?” 

“That was before we ate our weight in sushi.” She counters with a sigh, “and we shared the gyoza.” 

“Yeah but that was dinner. There’s always room for dessert, just like there’s always room for pizza.” 

“I love the way your mind works Natsu.” She laughs but motions to the door, “fine let’s have some gelato.” 

“That’s my girl, pushing through a food baby like a champ.” 

“My stomach is going to explode…” she groans but doesn’t fight the issue. 

They take their sweets to go and eat as they walk and Natsu nods in agreement when Lucy mentions it being the best gelato she’s ever had. 

“I told you so! My sister used to take me there every time she got back from a deployment. It was a reunion of ours.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a sister, that’s such a sweet ritual you two have.” 

Natsu pauses for only a second but it’s long enough for her to notice. 

“Why does it sound like you don’t do it anymore?” 

“Because we don’t…” his words cause her smile to fade and he sees she wants to probe for more information but she remains silent, save for the expected ‘I’m sorry’. The rest of the walk is silent and Natsu kicks himself for even bringing his sister up. It’s not like she was dead or anything. In fact, she was very much alive. It would take an entire army to beat Erza. No, it was Natsu who was ‘dead’. He even went to his own funeral and watched her sob into his closed casket. Closed because when the police found his drivers body, they couldn’t find his. Nothing has ever shaken him to his core like seeing her cry. 

“Thank you.” He says out of the blue and she looks to him confused. 

“For?” 

“For not prying.” He stops outside the building and turns to her, “It still hurts to talk about, so be patient with me.” 

“No need to apologize Natsu, I’ll be here to talk when you want to. There’s no rush.” She smiles and places her hand on his cheek, “I want you to be comfortable with me as well.” 

He smiles and leans into her touch, loving the warmth she radiates. A moment passes before he concedes to the end of their date and opens the door for her. “After you, my lady.” 

“Such a gentleman you are.” She jokes and stops at the door to her unit, “thank you for walking me home.” Her smile is genuine and Natsu feels his palms get sweaty. _This is it_ , he thinks to himself. _Don’t be a pussy this time._

“Would you want to go out again next Friday?” He’s nervous when he speaks now and she laughs. 

“I’d love to. There’s a cosmic bowling place about twenty minutes from here that I think you would like. Come by here around eight Friday night and I’ll drive us.” 

“That sounds like a lot of fun I can’t wait!” 

“You always sound so nervous when you ask me out. You did on our first date and you do tonight. Don’t be nervous Natsu, I’m not going anywhere.” She takes the initiative and leans up on her toes to place a soft kiss on his lips. 

He’s taken aback at first, his body stiffening automatically before he closes his eyes and leans into her, his arms wrapping around her to hold her close. He’s on cloud nine. She’s so soft against him, so warm and comforting. He wants to stay there forever. The kiss is tender, hesitant even and she’s pulling back far sooner than he would like, but seeing the blush on her face and the lust in her eyes, is almost too perfect to ignore. She is beautiful and he is a very lucky man. 

“Have a good night Lucy. I’ll see you for our date next Friday.” He bows but casts her a wink as he’s walking away and he swears he hears a squeal of joy from her. 

“Get home sage Natsu,” she calls to him, “and remember, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be there to listen when you want to talk.” 

He nods and watches the door close and all he wants to do is cry. 

_It’s not you not being there that I’m worried about…it’s me not being there._ He wants to stay with her for the night. But he wants to make sure they’re both ready for that. And in order for him to be ready, he needed to talk to Happy. 

_Get home safe._ The words are repeating in his brain like a mantra and he smiles. Yes, he finally has a home.


	6. Chapter Six

The door opens silently and Natsu lets out the breath he’s been holding, thanking God that Happy’s door didn’t make any sound. It’s late and the last thing he wants to do is wake up the old man. He walks with quiet purpose, closing the door softly before removing his shoes and tip toeing to set his bag on the table. He didn’t have much, just what he took with him when he left the hospital. 

“You don’t have to worry about waking me up.” His voice cuts through the darkness and Natsu nearly jumps out of his skin. 

“Jesus Christ Happy you scared the shit out of me! Why are you sitting in the dark anyway?” 

“Would it make a difference if I had the light on?” 

_Shit, he’s got a point._

“Yes!” He counters exasperated, “Because then I would know you’re awake and you wouldn’t have scared ten years off my damn life!” 

The old man laughs and Natsu growls lightly before walking up and sitting across from him. 

“What were you doing sitting all alone out here anyway?” Natsu asks curious. 

“I was waiting for you.” Happy smiles and motions to the fridge, “I thawed some more blood out if you wanted to top off. Few minutes in the microwave should be enough.” 

“You really know what you’re doing,” Natsu laughs, “I’m not your first vampire?” 

“Oh no,” Happy’s chuckle has the hairs on the back of his neck standing up, “there have been a few before you.” 

The room is silent while Natsu heats up the blood, cringing only slightly at the stale taste when he gulps it down. 

“It’s not as good as the fresh stuff but this will keep you fed until you can find another source.” 

Natsu nods absently at the old man before remembering he’s blind and verbalizes his thanks. For a blind man, Happy saw a surprising amount, and it scared him. 

“Hey,” Natsu stops and looks at a photo on the bookshelf by the window. It didn’t seem to be that old but the frame is what caught his eye. Old ironwork on the sides with stained wood for top and bottom. It was beautiful and it drew Natsu right in. “Who are these people?” 

There were three, all young and smiling, and all with startling white hair. It makes him think of Mira and he smiles. _One of them even looks like her…_

“Ah the Strauss siblings. Closest I ever got to actual kids if I had to reckon.” Happy saunters up and grabs the photo, a nostalgic smile on his face. “The youngest, Lisanna was her name, she was just like you.” 

Natsu feels himself stiffen as he stares at her picture. Bright sapphire eyes and an infectious smile. She seemed so happy. 

“Like me? You mean she…you know…?” He can’t bring himself to say it for some reason. If he said it out loud it would solidify the fact that this was indeed a thing. 

“A vampire? Yeah. Sweetest thing too.” 

“What happened to her?” he follows Happy to the couch, noticing how the old man is gripping to portrait like his life depends on it. There is a long silence before he speaks and Natsu isn’t sure he wants to know any more. The despair that he hears in the sigh has his heart clenching. 

“She didn’t want to hurt people anymore...” Natsu hears nothing but utter defeat in his voice, “And the frozen blood only helps so much. After a while, her body just gave up.” 

“How did she become a vampire in the first place?” 

“Where to begin...” a simple response that carries so much weight. “She was diagnosed with Leukemia at a young age.” 

“Leukemia is a form of cancer isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, “Happy nods, “She was diagnosed when she was seven if I remember correctly. The treatments were hard on her body and she turned around fourteen. I found her rummaging through the garbage one night and took her in.” 

“I know the feeling...” Natsu nods in agreement. 

“She couldn’t take the guilt of killing to stay alive, and eventually decided to stop feeding all together. She passed a couple of years ago.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” What else can he say to something like that? “what happened to the other two in the photo?” 

“They tried to talk her out of it, but her mind was made up.” Happy wipes away a tear while he speaks, “Her brother, Elfman, up and joined the Army. Said he needed to feel useful. Her sister went back to school to become a nurse. She still visits every so often, “he pauses for a moment, “She still comes by monthly to say hi, in fact she should be here any moment.” 

“Is it okay for me to be here? Should I hide?” He doesn’t really know why he’s asking, but in the books he’s read, vampires had to hide from normal people. This is no different right? 

“It’s not like you have fangs or burst into flames in sunlight, far as I’m concerned, you’re a normal person.” 

“Okay then.” Really, what else can he say? 

As if on cue there is a knock at the door before it opens and Natsu feels his body go stiff. 

“Sorry I’m late Happy, work was a bitch today.” The voice is light and Natsu hears a familiarity in it immediately. _There’s no way it’s her...there’s no fucking way the world is that small._

She looks up and their eyes meet, the entire world melting away. In that moment, it’s just them and he feels tears well in his eyes. 

“Nat...su...?” her voice is laced with shock and the sound of his name is like the dam breaking on the tears in his eyes. It’s really her. She’s here, standing in front of him. 

“Mira...” His body doesn’t want to move. His feet seem to be rooted in place where he stands and no matter what he tells himself, he has no control over his movements and it’s infuriating. There is a moment of silence for what seems like an eternity before she’s racing towards him. 

“Natsu!” He’s wrapped in her arms in seconds and her warmth covers him like a security blanket. He’s melting into her embrace before he takes a breath, his arms encircling her waist and his face buried in her chest while he cries. 

“I thought I lost you...” she rubs his back and suddenly he’s back in the hospital again, her comforting him like it was just another day. 

“You two know each other?” Happy’s question breaks the moment and they separate but not before she places a gentle kiss on his forehead and smiles. 

“I was the nurse who took care of him before he went to Hospice.” She wipes her tears and ruffles his hair. 

“Small world.” He chuckles, placing the picture back. “Help yourself, my home is your home.” 

“Thanks Happy,” Mira grabs a two glasses and the bottle of whiskey before sitting down across from him and motioning for Natsu to get comfortable next to her. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.” 

“I still can’t believe I’m seeing you again,” his voice is soft as he sits, his hand coming to grip a lock of her hair and he feels tears begin to well again. 

She leans into his touch and her warmth makes his heart race. He loved her the most during his stay at the hospital. She treated him like they were family; loved him like he was her brother. 

“I know the feeling,” she takes a long drink and leans back. “When I watched the van drive away, I collapsed. You were the closest thing to family I had there. It broke my heart to see you leave and I’ve prayed for your peaceful passing every day.” 

He watches a tear fall and his hand tightens on the glass of blood. He wants to erase her pain. 

“When I heard what happened on the news later that night I had to leave work early. I was a mess. The video of the abandoned van still makes me cringe just thinking about it. There was so much blood. And the dead driver…” Mira trails off as her voice begins to tremble and Natsu remembers it all like it was yesterday. 

“I’m not sure what happened,” he begins, picking up where she left off. “We stopped for gas and everything just _changed._ I could smell the blood, see it running through his veins. My vision went red and I just… lost control.” How else could he describe it? There was no easy way of explaining how he turned into a murdering psycho in the span of five minutes. 

“When I finally came to my senses he was dead and—for a reasons that still confuse me to this day— I didn’t feel sick anymore. My hair had grown back, I felt stronger; I felt… _alive._ ” 

“They looked for you for days, fearing whatever had killed the driver, had taken you. When they gave up a week later; Erza had rushed home on emergency leave to attend your funeral. It was a closed casket for obvious reasons but…” Mira is crying now as she speaks, her hand coming to rest on Natsu’s. 

“I never want to see that much pain in her eyes again Natsu… she was heart broken.” 

“How do you even know Erza? She only visited a few times and it was all after you had gone home for the day.” If he remembers right, they only met once, right before she left for her most recent tour. 

“Elfman joined the army remember?” She clarifies and it begins to make sense to him. “He’s currently deployed overseas with her team as the medic. I get letters from him weekly and recently, Erza has been writing too. They’ve become close over there. The team is like a tight knit family, but I guess when you live in stress inducing environments like that, it’s necessary to find a coping mechanism for it.” 

“I see,” he’s happy that she isn’t alone anymore; that she has people she can trust and confide in. He misses her so much it hurts. “How is she doing?” 

“She misses you.” Mira says matter of fact, pulling a letter from her purse, “this is the first letter I ever got from her. I keep it on me at all times and read it almost every day. She’s become like a sister to me in the past few months, and every time I read this letter, It shows me how strong of a woman she is, and how much stronger she will become. You are a lucky man Natsu, to have someone who loves you so much.” 

He takes the letter and finishes his drink with shaky hands before his eyes settle on the words written before him. 

_Mira,_

_I know this is out of the blue, and that you don’t know who I am, but I’m deployed with your younger brother Elfman. First, let me just say that his name makes me laugh every time I speak to him because your parents must have been high as fuck when they named him. He’s a good soldier though, always first to jump in and help, and he’s saved us a few times out here._

_He said that if I needed someone to write to… that I could write to you, and that you would write back. I’m not sure if you will, or if you’ll even want to because you don’t even know who I am. I think we only met once when I went to visit Natsu in the hospital. He really loved you Mira, I could see it in his eyes when he would talk about you. You took care of him when I couldn’t… so I wanted to thank you for that._

_These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. I find myself writing to him out of habit, then I remember he’s not around to read them anymore and I burst into tears. It’s like my heart was ripped out my chest and no matter how hard I try to find it, I can’t. I’m just going with the motions here, like clock work. I wake up, do my job, eat, and go to bed. I clean my guns way too often for sanity and I feel like my team is afraid of me, like I’m a hair trigger away from losing my god damned mind over here._

_I see him sometimes… when we patrol. His smile on the face of a child here when they offer us food, his laugh when I watch the kids play soccer with no shoes on. His eyes as a brother protects his sister from a wild dog and I’m too far away to act in time. He’s everywhere and I’ve realized something recently… he may be gone, but he lives on in my heart._

_I miss him so much it hurts. I keep a picture of him in my wallet when the nights get lonely, and look at it when I need to remind myself why I’m a soldier. I joined for him, because he got diagnosed before he could enlist and it broke his heart that he couldn’t be the hero he wanted to be. But he’s my hero…he’s my hero because I can’t be his hero anymore. Not when there’s no one to go back to. He won’t be waiting for me when I get home. He won’t be sitting there with bated breath to hear about all the shit I deal with on a daily basis over here._

_He always loved my stories, and I loved telling him. He was the only one who was genuinely interested in what I did. It made me proud that I could live the life he wanted for himself. That I could be a hero for him. I wish so badly that he was here with me now, by my side because I know with every fiber of my being, that he would have made an amazing soldier._

_I cry every night when I go to bed because I wasn’t there for him. That I couldn’t be there when the accident happened, when he was taken only God knows where by God knows what, and I hate myself for it every day. He didn’t deserve to die like that, and part of me, even if it’s just a sliver, hopes he’s still alive out there somewhere. That he makes his way back to you Mira because you’re the sister he should have had…not me. I couldn’t be there for him like you were. So thank you for always loving him when I wasn’t able to. Thank you for taking care of him in my place. Thank you for everything you did for him._

_I suppose I should wrap this up, we’ve got a long mission tomorrow and I haven’t slept properly in days. I hope this letter makes it to you Mira, because I need someone now more than ever. I miss Natsu so fucking much I want to kill myself some days just so I can see him again. I won’t of course, because I’m needed here and I know that if I did that I’d never see him. His heart was pure, his soul went to heaven. Maybe some day I’ll see him again… maybe some day I’ll be able to face him and tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him._

_Thank you listening to me rant, it means a lot and even if you don’t write back… would it be okay if I kept writing to you? I hope work is going well and if you need to vent to anyone other than your brother, well you know where to find me._

_Erza._

Natsu can’t breathe. He can barely see the paper in his hands through the tears welling in his eyes. He left her all alone, with no one to talk to. How could he live with himself? 

“She needed me… and I wasn’t there for her.” He chokes out and he feels Mira wrap her arms around him. 

“No honey, you were there for her. Even if not in person, your memory is what keeps her going.” Her words are soft in his ear but he can’t believe them. 

“Her pain…” He buries his head in his hands and a sob rocks his body. 

“She misses you so much Natsu.” Yeah, he can see that. In the words written in the letter, in the lifeless smile she puts on with her team. He stares at her form in the picture that she sent with the letter and his heart aches. She’s lost weight, looks so tired and her eyes don’t shine like they used to. It’s his fault. 

“I miss her too Mira. I miss her so much it hurts.” He turns to her and wraps his arms around her, holding on like his life depends on her for support. She’s warm against him, her heart beating strong in her chest and he listens to it like a mantra that echoes through his head. 

“Can I see her again? Her tour should be ending in the next few months right?” 

“That may not be the best idea kid,” Happy speaks for the first time in a while. “Burying a family member is very traumatic, especially when they weren’t there at the time of death. Seeing her now would only confuse her and possibly send her past her breaking point, and I don’t think you want to be responsible for that.” 

He’s got a point, Natsu knows this, but he wants to see her again. He wants to hold her, to feel her in his arms if only one last time. 

“Trust me kid,” Happy’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder. “Not all siblings can handle the truth when it comes to people like you. Mira and Elfman are a special case-“ 

“Maybe Erza will be too,” Natsu interjects quickly, grasping at straws, at anything he can find for purchase to give him a reason to see her again. “She’s the strongest person I know, if anyone can handle me being a vampire, it’s Erza. I’m sure of it.” 

“For her sake Natsu, I hope your right.” Happy concedes and stands, “it’s late and these old bones need rest. Mira, as always your welcome to stay the night here.” 

“Thank you Happy.” She replies, “I think I’ll take you up on that offer tonight.” 

“You can sleep with me, it’s my first time sleeping in a bed in months.” Natsu is on his feet in seconds, pulling her with him to follow the old man to his new room. It’s small, but it’s all he needs, and it has its own bathroom. 

“Wait here while I get cleaned up and we can snuggle like we used to in the hospital before your shift would end.” His eyes light up when she nods in return and he’s gone seconds later. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, he feels normal again. The water was hot against his skin, instead of freezing and unclean. The food in his stomach was warm and cooked and definitely not from a dumpster. The body next to him was real and warm and so damn satisfying that he starts crying again when his arms wrap around Mira. 

“Everything okay Natsu?” Her voice is filled with worry but he shakes his head. 

“Everything is perfect. I just missed this.” He squeezes her tighter and that’s that last thing he remembers before sleep takes him.

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is short so I apologize for that, the next one should be longer! Also, I apologize for any and all errors in this.  
> Much love,  
> dark


End file.
